To the man i love and respect most.

He has always been the man i respect, admire and love; he is the only man who will never ever leave with a broken heart even if guys in the world do. The only man who will, accept all my flaws, bear on my bad behavior, fix every problem I created and forgive me no matter or what mistake i did. Also, the man who makes me believe there is hope no matter how bad things are. He is the one who created insecurities in me but still making me believe I'll be able to find my price charming. I'm sure I'll find the right guy one day, he will be the one putting a ring on for me, take up all the responsibility of yours. However, he will never replace your position in my heart, Daddy!

When i was much younger, 13 years old i think, I was this very rebellious kid who go against what her dad says. Yeap, teenage! Incidents over incidents, disappointments over disappointments. I broke his trust for me and he broke mine for him; this lasted for a pretty long period, if im not wrong its for 4 years. Things between us got really tense. For a person who don't hold her anger long, when I say tense, it is really tense. Its to an extend where I pointed a blade knife on my wrist in front of him. I dint wanna talk to him, and every time i talk to him there is nothing good coming out from my mouth, I said nasty things i don't mean. I remember I once told my mum I dont want a dad like him.

I hated him, and trust me I never hated someone as much as I hate him before. Mum tried fixing our relationship, but honestly its not working. He even claimed he don't want to care even abit for me anymore but I knew deep down inside him he still care. Every time he care, I push him away. I push him away uncountable times, but he did not give up trying and as time goes by or may be its me growing up, I realize he actually care alot for me. And slowly, I show my care for him and this is the point where our relationship got better day by day. I forgive him for what he did but I somehow never forget what he did. Not gonna tell what he did that I could never forget, all I say is he did something really bad. And this incident really imprinted hard on me (I probably got part of my insecurity issues from here).

Anyway, as time passes, we got closer. I was never this close with my dad and I'm glad things went well after those years of getting on each others nerve. I LOVE YOU DADDY. You can have my words, no matter what happen next time, no one will ever replace you position in my heart. :')

carina.

Insecurities.

Ever since we were both official together, I realize i had serious insecurity issues. No joke. Every time, I have to psych myself out of it, telling myself "It's fine", "everything is alright", "I shouldn't feel this way". This insecurity is seriously driving me nuts.

He dislike me feeling insecure. I know that. I promised not to feel that way but deep down inside I still feel the same way over and over again? 

Every part of me knew that he is decent, caring, honest but the emotional bit of me just have to felt that it was "just the matter of time" before things went wrong. People like us, when we feel anxious, we will start looking for things 'going wrong'. And of course, sometimes we are looking for things that aren't there at all. (If the problem really exist, I would say probably say "It's girls instinct"). Being insecure can be really exhausting, your mind will question almost every single thing. 

Sometimes, I felt inadequate and "not good enough" to be with him. I couldn't possibly understand what he sees in me. Worst still, I question why would he choose me to be his girlfriend. (I should nominate myself for the worst gf award). Seriously no use asking whether your partner really loves you. Because an insecure people will still feel insecure even when they are told they are being loved. 

Everyone knows, insecurity only spoils relationship and the only one who is able to "kill" the insecurities is yourself.Until here, I should also really do myself a favor stop thinking about the unnecessary. After all, we live in life full of uncertainties right?

Its bed time, till then goodnight *smiles*