Live It. Love It. Lust It.

retard ahead! -.-

Erm. this is my second time up here today. Just bored, because moral's for tomorrow. Im lovin the weather outside now, not pouring, not raining, not drizzling, just droplets of rain. Windy and cooling. It actually makes people sleepy too. Time flies so fast, another 5 days not including holiday and then I'll be set free. Im going Penang, Ipoh, Damai laut on the next day just after SPM ended. Basically they are all beaches and I'll be back as tan as a nigro. I already started packing, not packing just listed down the thing I want to bring. Because you wont be seeing me in 4 to 5 days after that. Yours truly wont be updating in the 4 to 5 days. Seriously cant wait for it to come now. Remember the cruise i said previously? the star cruise is named based on horoscopes. Chun ehy? There's star Libra, star pieces, star libra...etc. Shall go shopping this weekend, shop for my sunblock lotion, beach wear and swimsuit most importantly. Ciaoz! time to memorise moral again. :)

carina. 

Everlasting fairytale.

I wrote this halfway studying my moral. Its just another freaking long emotional post, you can actuallly click the red "x" on top of the page if you dont intend to continue reading.

I seriously dont know what I want. I don't even know why I'm being so darn emotional these days. It's like everytime I'm alone in a this big and quite room myself I just feel like crying, I can seriously cry my heart out but I dont know why. I don't specifically know what's the reason I breakdown so easily. When I cry I just want to let everything out, hopefully to find a little space in my heart to fill in those happy moments. Even those laughs and happy times I'd for the for past few months doesn't seem so happy at all.What's wrong with me now? Im not myself anymore. I use to laugh like nobody care and I can find even a single reason to laugh. Now, seriously I cant. I want to speak out and share with friends hopefully I can find a single reason to be happy of because I had a bunch of friends. Without doubts, ther are perfect! A great friend indeed. But they must be bored hearing me saying so many emo stuff for so long, five years i think. Its time for myself to go through this tough moments myself.Tough up CARINA.

carina.

Fairytale aren't true.

After three weeks of break, finally Im back to war again. Time actually pass quite fast, i realize. Mathematics for tomorrow. By the way, I actually went shopping today. Dam syok ar... Shopping at Bukit Tinggi, its my first time there. There are lots lots of people today because of sales, dam a lot of sales from 10% to 50% to 70%. Mostly are half price. First time realizing things are quite cheap but food are extreamly expansive. I bought a cup of fresh fruit juice and it actually cost 6.90 for a small cup. I begged mum to buy something for me since I dont have allowance for exam month. Yay, I got myself a dress, a floral bottom one.

The bottom part looks like this.

and

the top part look like this. 

Dont match the both picture together they will look funny, 

The top and bottom are different colour.

The bottom part are not necessary to be read, its my feeling to towards problem I'm facing right now.

I know I'm full of insecurities and don't mind if I say I dont really have confidence still. I need advice from someone, someone who willing to hear me complain and not telling me I'm what type of person and yet instead of giving me advice it turn up to be hurting me. I seriously don't agree what you guys say, saying I'm a person who dont care how people feels. I do care, if I dont I wont be feeling guilty afterthat and then apologize. I rather you guys say me short tempered, easily affected, sensitive than saying I dont care how you guys feel. It makes me sound like Im a selfish person who always think for myself. If its true, other than accepting it you guys must be very tired being my friend for so long period right? So sorry for having a friend like me.
 Im dead tired of having problem with relations and then not having solution to solve it. Did we seriously just solve the problem, did we? I think we just push problems away and put blames on others than solving it now. If anyone of you reading, Im pretty sure you guys are asking madly, "if you knew it or admit it why dont you just change it?" Frankly speaking, I dont know where to start, Im being like this for so long time. Mayb I can say, family background. My family really do pampered me a lot, and Im glad to have them. Do I really sound like I dont care how you all feel? It sounded so harsh. What can i even say? Other than saying I admit and I'll change. I dont know myself well, but gladly say, my problem are almost sloved lar... thanks to a bunch of riends, especially ShuQin. TQ with lots of love, xoxo. Goodbye peoples!
No offence.
p.s. Im resposible for what I wrote here. For anyone who get angry or offended after reading. I cant do much, this is my only way to express.
p.p.s. Sorry for making my blog so down this few days, I shall try to post up something happy the next time Im updating. I promise. :) I realize myself always relying on "someone" to make jokes and to make me happy. See you, I always rely on your jokes already. Its like taking drug, I need it when Im sad or even when I'm facing problem. Prof., where are you? Im :( now.

carina.

Life,

 

fortune cookies. yumm yumm.

I don't know I'm getting better each day or just get used to it already. My life is pretty smooth as day goes by. Without any unexpected happening my life just goes by peacefully as what I want. No tears nor a little bit of sadness, only happiness and smiles. This is what I want everyday. :)
Today, went for tuition extra class and then MCD and PIZZA for lunch, fats! Its been so long since I eat MCD because kotakemuning's MCD is under renovation. Now, it looks so classy. It looks like I've totally forgotten about SPM now, blergh xP. Don't care so much.
Speaking about SPM, I kinda enjoy it. Parents pampered me and treat me like never before. I decide what I want for breakfast and then they prepare it for me. No matter what I say they'll try to make it possible. So good! I wish it never ends.. haha! Mum is jealous of me also because she claimed dad never make her breakfast even on mother's day. Dad make me breakfast on my first day of SPM and this is his first time making breakfast for someone so far, I'm so proud yet touched. Thankyou daddy! ♥♥♥

Im bored doing addmath. So ss-ed abit! 

carina. xo'

Those heartache moments.

Realize my new background? I'm just plain bored so I decide to make some changes. I'll update abit about my day before SPM.

A bunch of us went to Shuqin's house to celebrated. I dont really know what's the real purpose but we enjoyed. Everyone where there, steamboat for dinner while I was busy watching Leechongwei against China. 

*I feel scared to continue typing* Well, I put on some pictures then.

 Shilin.

 lishan me phoyee

 pohyee

Letters I got from them.

In case you guys wanna know why I'm scared. Because something sad and awful happened that night I dont really wanna remember, how sad was I crying that night, how stupid was I crying for someone who dont even care. Where were you at the times when I needed you to cheer me up? Luckly,  I got someone who really care, and this is who I call a friend. Thankyou, CWK! I don't erase memories because they are precious to me, really preacious. But, in your case I'll make it an exception; since they don't mean anything to you and me anymore. I dont mean at all to be mean, but you seriously wont understand how painful isit.

ps. matters will always be there if there's no one to solve it.

carina.

Day number two.

Remember my post about me writing essay which was forced by english tuition teacher? The tittle, its seriously came out for SPM. Its so unbelievable. I dont trust my eyes when I saw the question, I read the question again and open wide my eyes. And then I was like SHIT! I forgotten what I wrote that day but thank god it was quite successful but I did not manage to check what I wrote because I was still writing my conclusion while the examiner was collecting the papers. I dont want to kiss my A goodbye, oh please hope that I dont do much spelling errors. Tomorrow is sejarah! the killing one. Sincerely, I dint prepare much for sejarah. I think i need to go now... ciaoz!

carina.

23.11.10

What day is it tomorrow? tell me tell me. haha.
I somehow felt like blogging now, I know its not the right time. I do feel so high now, jumping up and down, cant sit still at all. I just wish 2311 to pass faster, cant wait for the arrival of 0812. One reason is beacause I'm going on cruise on the 0912. Cool right? haha. Relatives around thought I'm having alot of pressure, but they seriously dont know how fun and relaxing I am now. Its like no exam tomorrow, I know why are you so free during your exam now, MEIYI. :) It feels so "high" abit excitment.

carina.

the unextected.

Good luck LeeChongWei, beat Lindan and get the gold medal! Malaysia is proud of you as always. :)
Just hope SPM past quickly. Im trying my best not to think any rubish, and the only way is to study study study. I dont even want to give myself a single time to slack around to think of the truth behind everything. Mygodness, CARINA CHAN tough up abit. Dont let the tears beat you, studying is most important now!  *self-hypnotizing.

Bytheway, goodluck SPM-ers out there.Best of luck.

carina. 

lovely message.

I received a very very lovely message yesterday night while I was watching HARRY POTTER. That message was really lovely and yet touching. Touching but not enough to make me cry. haha. Keep up the good work, write more "this kind" of message. I love reading it. You know who you're! By the way, thanks for your message and answer my question as soon as possible. :)

carina.

Movie night.

"Harry is the best hope we have. Trust him."

 I finally watched HARRY POTTER yesterday night after delaying the movie tickets for so many times. Before entering the cinema, I was so exciting about it because Im a big fan of HARRY POTTER. My whole family doesnt want to watch it with me, they say its boring sitting inside the cinema for three hours not understanding the movie at all. The movie is freaking awesome, with some very hilarious scene which make the whole cinema burst into laughter. I guess alot of you haven watch it right? so Im not going to talk much about it, just watch it as fast as possible, really fantastic. 

SPM is really near now,very very near. Goodluck SPM candidates! Goodbye thick thick eyebags and dark circles. haha.

 curing dark circles and eye bags.

carina.

Be happy now or never.

Hai monday! I'll show you how SPM turn my monday into a terrible monday. I have tuition since 3 afternoon till 10 at night. Thankgod Chemistry teacher cancled the class today. I can take some rest at home and the weather now is perfect to take a short nap, thunder storm plus heavy rain.

My mood is so good now and nothing can really affect me. Thanks to some lame joke I got from BM tuition just now, its from shawne who sits beside me today. Since its our last class of BM tuition teacher allow us to ask question even stupid ones I guess. So someone asked where he used to study when he was in high school / uni, "Universiti Gadjah Mada". Teacher say its one of the oldest college in Indonesia and sadly its been burried under the thick thick white ashes from the volcano explosion. And shawne said to me "if they try to rebuilt it then they will have the newest Gadjah Mada in Indonesia then, oldest and newest!" we both laughed our lungs out, I can see his face were red. haha. It doesnt sounds funny here. He kept on telling me that it make sense, it make sense while he is laughing. Lame joke, really a very lame one. But at least it make my day, while the else were ignoring me for no good reason. haih. people, people.. how can I make you happy, how can we break free from trouble? appreciate the moment together, dont leave any regrets.

carina.

Day to remember.

Graduation day. Im quite lazy to post actually, so I'll procrastinate till later. I was suppose to go tuition yesterday night; my last physics tuition. Too bad it missed it. I'll tell you why. Anyway its my fault la for not eating the whole day. I did not take any proper meals since the night before, what a clever person. I was rushing since 5 morning for graduation thing. When time passes till noon, I realize I hadn't eat anything. But I was too tired with major headache because of the hot weather so I took a short nap till night till dinner time. Maybe because of not taking any food for a long time, gastric. Dam awful pain. No medicine, because I did not tell my mum orelse she had killed me before I get my medicine. What a day to remember.

Bytheway wenkiat, I did not inform jingyi yesterday and wasn't able to reply your message. So sorry. :)

carina.

Memory.

My last photo with pinafore on as I'm graduating high school.

Ohyea. another week had past, which means its another week closer to SPM yet another week closer to holiday! haha. This week is really a tough week and I'm at the point where I'm going to kill myself. I'd experience not sleeping for 30 long hours, I was trying to challenge for not sleeping 48 hours; I cant make it. Seriously, this is call "lack of sleep". I had never ever study till so mad before. Family thought that I was crazy or something until mum have to urge me to sleep. I dont want this kind of life, its not nice. So dam stress out. Hopefully I can do well or maybe at least dont get a C. Graduation day is tomorrow! Just love it because I have a excuse for not studying. Talking about graduation, I remembered the last time I graduated primary school, still so memorable. haha. Everyone cried, is this what they call the tears of joy? Such a memory, so precious that I cherish it so much. :)

Introducing you my primary school, which I was so proud of all the time!

"The best of all schools TTCL"

I miss everyone! I miss those old times.  '___'

carina.

Secret.

Show encrypted text

Time pass fast.

Hello universe, morning! its 545a.m. Im here to blog, again. Time passes so fast, in another week we are all graduating and then in less than 20 days SPM is here. I actually hope it would end fast, as fast as possible because I already planned what to do. Ow, I heard the news that they are actually thinking of delaying the SPM, is it true? Hell hope it doesn't delay. I'd already suffering enough  in this period of time. I dont even have a night of good sleep. "If you cant sleep then study" thats what I told myself. So I ended up sleeping for 6hours in two days. Cool! My new record. haha.  Now, I have two dark dark circles circling my small tiny eyes and bad bad skin quality. Its the effect of lack of sleep maybe.

ps. I'm so looking foward to prom night. Mum bought me a dress, my heartache when she pay for me cause its expansive. She replied me "its ok, but must study hard" Grrr... felt so pressure when she say that. I know clearly that I wouldn't be scoring straight A's for her. So, don't put high hopes on me mummy, I'll disappoint you at the end. haha. I heard the Malay prayers already, rise and shine everyone!

Carina.

For the important ones.

I guess YOU'll be reading my post once this post is out. I tell you what I feel now, I realize what I've gone through is just a small matter compare to what you've gone through these days. You are really a brave guy there that I envy. I was wishing to be brave as you, positive thinking and yet humorous. When I was reading the post you post about your close ones I nearly cried. Not feeling sad, its touching; as what I told you. The way you held your tears, I wish I were you being able to held tears. When I read through another one saying that you fell "malu" because you lost someone important. Dont feel that way instead you should feel proud yourself being able to held up the whole family like nothing had happen and continue your life as usual. Im sure many of us cant, even I admit I cant. You are really strong (dont tell me beacuse of V). After reading I really feel like know you more, dont have to act that you are happy when you are sad in the inside. Tell me if you feel like it, I always here for you. You joke alot and it makes people think that you are not serious, but I love your jokes. Keep it up bro! This point make me think of my dad. He is this kind of people who jokes alot. Seriously, If my dad is perfect , you are just after him. I vote for that. You really a nice person to chat with, to share secrets and to even joke around. You are my very important friend you know. Who ever bully you tell me! haha. (actually I cant do much also, but I'll call the police for you) Although I'm older than you by months, I cant be even mature than you. Im jealous at that point. BEST FRIENDS FOREVER! love you as my important friend, dont think too much. You know you lar...haha! I wanted to thank you for you time today also, I just love chating with you, you make me laugh my sadness away. TQ Best friend! xoxo




ps. I've never type such a long post for anyone before. and this is how important you're. I know we almost graduate, but YOU will always be remembered.

sincerely CARINA.