As I read through post I posted, I find myself amusing for feeling bad for those who betrayed me. Very honestly speaking, I never imagine to live a life like those pathetic TV dramas i watched. I can point fingers at it teasing out loud it will never happen in real life especially to my life, because after 20 years of living my daily level of excitement was never more than average.
I've been hurt. Its like I am left in tatters, at my lowest point in life. I look around in disbelief, wondering what happened. I definitely have a hard time believing that such a horrible event could have happen to me. It is as if I'm living in a bizarre dream state where nothing makes sense. Everyone are going on with their lives while I have to struggle to sleep, get out of bed without tears and live on. I feel like im riding on a rollercoaster of numbness and pain.
What done is done, I figured its time for me to stop whining about life and shove myself some positivity. So here is it...
Dear self,
You maybe the victim of this "tragedy", (honestly, i dont know what to call this) You will go through a grieving and healing process. As hard as it was to hit bottom, you will come to find that crawling your way out of the pit is equally as hard. It may be more difficult than the tragedy itself. Grieving and healing can be a slow, be patient. As hard as it could be, the excruciating nature of it make you wanna run, hide and avoid. It seems to go on forever, but eventually you will find yourself feeling a little better each day. So face your life don't run, you can only hide for so long.
As for those who did wrong, I accept the fact that people makes mistake. Importantly, they finally realize they did something bad and finally decided to be honest. I'm really grateful for that.
Just some advice, know your boundaries in your relationship, as a friend or lover. Its similar to knowing your values. Knowing what you are and aren’t prepared to accept and stick to that. When people cross your boundaries, it is a sign for you that something big is wrong, do something about it and step back.
Having boundaries also means that you trust your gut and your instincts and respect yourself as well as others. You are able to make uncomfortable decisions even when your heart is telling you something different to your head because you know this person has done something that is inappropriate and unacceptable.
It takes two to quarrel, there is no way for me to judge who is in fault bigger fault behind this. All I know is the two person who I once trusted most, has betrayed and lied to me for so many months. Seems saddening, I will forgive and move because I dont wanna be losing any of them and then regret.
Carina xo'